some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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