STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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