Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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