I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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