My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
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My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
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I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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