Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We're too hungover to prance.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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