I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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