dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize