Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Never joke about your clitoris.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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