I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
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he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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