just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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