Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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