the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
