The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
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thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
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I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize