I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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