I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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