he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
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Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
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today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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