I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize