Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
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Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
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His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize