You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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