my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Still dying that you shit outside
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize