You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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