I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
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Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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