You just made me feel so damn special
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the liver wants what the liver wants
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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