me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize