Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
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Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
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I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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