I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize