I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
