Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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