Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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