there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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