Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
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just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
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I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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