My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize