he thought i was a dude.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
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She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
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So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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