Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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