I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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