You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
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we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
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This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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