no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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