we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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