i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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