Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
