i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
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I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
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WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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