Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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