god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
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i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
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I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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