This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
