You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
