I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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