I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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