You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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