need another drink. this is the easiest way
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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