Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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