I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
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I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
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Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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