So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
one might say we're banned from that church
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize